I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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