I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
