Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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