he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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