She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
