I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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