I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
