That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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