just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pooping to opera.
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