I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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