dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
