I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
