im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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