its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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