So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
