If i come over, it means nothing
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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