I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize