I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
