wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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