also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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