I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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