So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
