I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
