I CAN MOONWALK!
i would punch a child for taco bell
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
