My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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