So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
