I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
