I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Damn victory sex feels great
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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