A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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