whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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