I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
