I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize