Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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