Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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