This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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