I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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