I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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