I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
