You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
