Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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