why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
