I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
