whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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