Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
