You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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