Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize