so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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