Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
