The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
