We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So many bounce houses so little time
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
