i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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