fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
