Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
