i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
