apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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