The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
