It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
