Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize