My brain says no but my pants say off.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
