umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
