OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
