I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
