Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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