I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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