; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize