dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
handjob tips. give me some.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
