Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
